My story is not unique.
I said I wouldn’t change. I said that the baby would have to work around our schedules. I said that we’d still have time for one another.
I was wrong.
I was wrong about everything. I was even wrong about things I would normally take for granted – like showering every day.
It’s crazy to think how a little, tiny being can impact your life so dramatically, but they sure do! It’s exhilarating, it’s exhausting, and it sends your anxiety levels into the stratosphere. You’re in uncharted territory and life will never be the same.
After you’ve welcomed your child into the world, it’s not easy to continue making your relationship a top priority, but it really should be. That child might be your whole world, but think about this: one day, they will grow up and move away, have families of their own. Then what?
The concept of partnering with another, committing yourself to the person you marry, and raising a family with that person is that you want them to still be in your life long after the kids grow up and (hopefully) move out.
If you think your relationship has changed now, just think how different it will be in 20 years. As an empty-nester, you’ll still be with your partner and will have shared a lifetime of experiences together.
When the kids move on to pursue their hopes and dreams, the two of you will gain a whole new level of freedom that you probably haven’t felt since you first fell in love:
You can walk around the house naked again – if that’s your thing. You can leave money on the counter knowing it’ll still be there the next day. You’ll be able to go on amazing trips to exotic places and enjoy the best life has to offer with the amazing person you fell in love with.
You just need to make sure that relationship is still there for you at the end of that road.
When babies and kids need you and demand all your attention, it just naturally happens that your partner takes the back seat. It’s shitty.
It’s a blessing to have a baby, but it’s sad to see how much your relationship changes as a result.
As for me, I wanted Mike and I to be that couple that didn’t change our habits, that still had the flexibility to do what we wanted, and to not have children’s songs constantly stuck in our heads! I wanted to be able to sleep in sometimes, and I truly thought it wouldn’t be a problem.
Fast forward to now – this “happy couple” can now barely make time for one another. I know we’re not unique in this. It doesn’t change the facts; but that’s not the real issue here. The real problem lies in failing to acknowledge these changes – that’s when the real issues come to light.
Ideas to help you reconnect with your partner after the baby
You need to realize you are both are feeling the change. Acknowledging that you share in this experience is the first step to regaining your connection.
Sit down, make the time. Talk through it. Make goals together on how you are going to reconnect. Make plans. Follow through. Repeat.
The good news is that, with a little effort, it is possible to get your relationship back on track. Refocus your energy on rekindling that spark and it will most definitely pay off.
Not only will you be able to ditch the resentment you’ve both been feeling over being neglected, but you will also be able to get back to the real reason you two are together: true love.
Here are 10 relationship reconnection ideas you can put into action right away:
- Schedule mini date nights in bed after the kids go to sleep.
- Call in a babysitter once a month and have a date night away.
- Schedule a weekend away every month. Your parents or in-laws would probably be so happy to get some baby time – take advantage of it!
- Cuddle with your partner more often – there’s always time for a quick snuggle!
- Be affectionate and do little things to let them know you care. Sometimes even a touch is enough.
- When you have time, take care of some of their chores for them. It will show that you realize how hard they work too.
- Say I love you at least once a day.
- Write love notes and put them in places they don’t expect – the briefcase, the purse, the lunch bag, the coat pocket.
- Do thoughtful things without being asked. You know them best, right? Think about doing something that would be helpful, something that would take some of the pressure off or just make them smile.
- Send random text messages or emails letting them know you are thinking about them. It’s always nice to know!
Do you have any great ideas on how to reconnect after having a baby? We’d love to hear about them! Please share in comments and tell us how it all worked out.